Dharma Lab
A collection of humorous calculators that reveal lifetime numbers through simple math — the kind of statistics you did not request and cannot unsee.
Questions nobody should ask. Answers nobody can unsee.
Featured app
Estimate how much of one activity you have already burned through — pizza, meetings, coffee, or whatever your week keeps repeating.
Run the calculatorFormula
age × 52 × freq × amount
Output
Lifetime total + one regretful sentence
Status
Live · local only
All math runs in your browser. Nothing is saved.
Lifetime total
10,920
35 years × 52 weeks × 2/week × 3 slices
You have consumed approximately 10,920 slices, enough to make your cardiologist quietly open a spreadsheet.
New hatchlings from the same questionable spreadsheet.
Not legal advice. Just what the paragraph was probably thinking.
What they actually meant
A workable translation. Still not legal advice — just emotional clarity.
“good faith”
→ You will eventually argue in a group chat at 11pm.
“Exchange shall take place”
→ Someone will be five minutes late and emotionally prepared.
“Failure to comply may result in sanctions”
→ The judge has a disappointed-parent voice ready.
Generated by Dharma Lab Court Translator™ — for amusement only. Consult an actual attorney before arguing with ex-partners, judges, or PDFs.
Runway math meets narrative physics. Investors not included.
Founder Delusion Index
100
🔥 Full Founder's Mode
You are the main character. The cap table is a subplot.
Roughly 8 months at $81,000/mo net burn — $648,000 before the inspirational LinkedIn post.
Still incubating. Probably for the best.
Quantify affection against effort with uncomfortable precision.
Estimate the compound interest on decisions you saw coming.
How many times you have looked up and thought about starting over.
Translate recurring meetings into lost sunsets.
Excavate years of threads for one buried apology.