Dharma Lab
A collection of humorous calculators that reveal lifetime numbers through simple math — the kind of statistics you did not request and cannot unsee.
Questions nobody should ask. Answers nobody can unsee.
Featured app
Estimate how much of one activity you have already burned through — pizza, meetings, coffee, or whatever your week keeps repeating.
Run the calculatorFormula
age × 52 × freq × amount
Output
Lifetime total + one regretful sentence
Status
Live · local only
All math runs in your browser. Nothing is saved.
Lifetime total
10,92035 years × 52 weeks × 2/week × 3 slices
You have consumed approximately 10,920 slices, enough to make your cardiologist quietly open a spreadsheet.
Somewhere a spreadsheet is proud. It should not be.
That is about 1,365 large pizzas.
New hatchlings from the same questionable spreadsheet.
Not legal advice. Just what the paragraph was probably thinking.
What they actually meant
A workable translation. Still not legal advice — just emotional clarity.
“good faith”
→ You will eventually argue in a group chat at 11pm.
“Exchange shall take place”
→ Someone will be five minutes late and emotionally prepared.
“Failure to comply may result in sanctions”
→ The judge has a disappointed-parent voice ready.
Your lawyer would like a word. Billable, obviously.
Generated by Dharma Lab Court Translator™ — for amusement only. Consult an actual attorney before arguing with ex-partners, judges, or PDFs.
Runway math meets narrative physics. Investors not included.
Founder Delusion Index
🔥 Full Founder's Mode
You are the main character. The cap table is a subplot.
Roughly 8 months at $81,000/mo net burn — $648,000 before the inspirational LinkedIn post.
Bold. Unaudited, but bold.
That is about 540 months of rent in a city nobody brags about.
Still incubating. Probably for the best.